After a Week off Meds You won’t Believe This!

So the world has been chaotic and a pandemic has struck, I have not written in this entire time a proper thought out blog post. I mean a lot has been happening. I been learning so much about myself since I told everyone here that I am in fact Autistic.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with epilepsy and I thought for sure that explained other symptoms I had been having for many years. Dizzy spells when standing, fainting climbing stairs, you know must be seizures?

When I learned my PDD – NOS diagnosis was an autism diagnosis I joined a great facebook community: “Sounds like you should ask an Autistic, but ok” and, “I’m Autistic and I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.”

There I met a wonderful person who I respect greatly and who talked me through my most horrifying experience at that time…I thought I had a heart attack last July. I was shopping for cat food in a local store and bent over and bam my arm hurt my chest burned and tensed and my vision blurred. I went to the ER my blood pressure was OUTRAGEOUS 198\ 113. Funny no days when I go in and doctor takes it i’m not as shocked anymore. Like last night it was 138/102. That day i was SHOCKED. I had only seen my blood pressure be low not high like that.

My new friend and the group members of those two groups helped me connect this event to something I had never considered before. The constant dehydration and need to drink was not onset of diabetes… I might have POTS.

A year later I have learned my blood pressure fluctuates, my heart rate is fast and I match many post symptoms. I am also back on all the meds I need to be on except for proper meds for POTS, though my doctor does have me on a beta blocker. I am back on seizure meds, back on Adderall for ADHD, I am still on thyroid meds and I am back on testosterone. I also have my asthma meds yay me!

So now we are at where I tell you why the click bait title. With a global pandemic and me being a disabled asthmatic getting meds isn’t always easy. Last week I had no meds, no adderall or depakote anyway. So for a week I went without Seizure medicines and I began to slowly have seizures again. Well last Thursday I was able to get all my meds and I start taking them over the weekend. Still having problems and I was not 100 percent yesterday but I felt “better”.

I mean sure it was raining, but my kids all wished me “Happy Father’s Day”. I was given new hedge trimmers and I had a lot of gardening I been wanting to do. Sun finally came out it was warm and dry…. I turn on the hedge trimmers and in a moment and I don’t know how it happened I sliced my middle finger. Anyway the answer to “How is Damien doing?” Eh at least I still have a middle finger!

Who knew I would spill blood on a Dark Brotherhood shirt. Image depicts brown haired male wearing blue disposable mask and glasses, Has Dark brotherhood shirt on with red hand on black background.

Be glad it’s not the actual wound. Image depicts hand covered in dirt and blood with peach gauze wrapping middle finger.

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Being A Dad- Father’s Day Piece

Greetings, I am Damien Skye Knight, Oto-san (Father) of two children. My partner and fellow dad is Aaron Knapp. My eldest at 12 is Jayson Knapp and my youngest is Cera Knapp at 10 years old.

Kitten Update

Toasty Squeaks passed away. It was the runt of the litter and last kitten born. The other kitten, Apollo isn’t nursing enough so now gettimg supplement fed. Toasty also wasn’t feeding enough, we fed him last night by bottle. He was found in a corner away from mom, cold this morning. I only got 2 hours sleep, nursing kitties feed every 2 hours. I am very sad.

The birth of Toasty

Something You look Forward To

By Damien Knight

My writing prompt today is “What do you look forward to every week?” The thing I look forward to is my meetings with Dr. Wulff. He is my professor in mineralogy. He is a quality professor and I feel I have improved so much taking his class. I have made a lot of progress in my studies because of these meetings. I thought I would only be progressing in Mineralogy but I have found that it has helped my study habits entirely.

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Shame: Journal Written in 2003

By Damien Knight

Shame, what is it? Shame is not a feeling one should feel towards oneself.

I Want: A Journal Written 2003

By Damien Knight

I wrote this in 2003. I had followed a path others choose rather than my true dream. I have as you all know returned to my true desire of being a palaeontologist. Also, any commentary will be in italics.

When I was young, I had big dreams.  I wanted to be a palaeontologist. I still have big dreams. I want to be an author, a teacher, and a missionary.

18: A Journal Written in 2003

By Damien Knight

I wrote this journal in Dec 2003 when I was 17. I was terrified of growing up. I wrote this to vent those feelings.

Journal Dec 2003

By Damien Knight

Commentary in italics. I wrote this journal a month before my birthday while in a Louisville, Kentucky psychiatric facility. I was in the long-term ward. I spent my teen years in various psych facilities from the time I was 13 until I was 19 years old.

What I Got In Trouble for as a Kid

By Damien Knight

My 300 Writing prompts is what I got int trouble for most. I got in trouble for most as a kid was not paying attention. I got in fights occasionally and got in trouble for other things but was yelled at most for my lack of focus. Whether it was forgetting my umbrella during a down pour or not closing a door in a timely manner, I got scolded. I fear I yell too much at my own children for similar such mole hills.

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A Thing I Lied to Myself About

By Damien Knight

Today’s 300 writing prompts is what did you lie to yourself about and why? I didn’t even have to think about that, Sailor Mars, I lied to myself about her. I told myself I was happy with my ex girlfriend. I dated her 2-3 years saying I was happy even though I was miserable. I insisted we would work out, she was my soul mate.

It’s hard admitting you were wrong. For me especially because she was my first true love. I met her when I was 10 years old. Ending it was hard, I loved her once you know. I almost convinced myself to stay.

Why did I do it? I lied to myself out of love, loneliness, and the misguided belief she was mine. I thought she loved me, needed me. I almost went back. She does not love me, I realise that now. I just need to move on.

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