Cry Out-Dying

Feel trapped, mourning the dream,
Cut to pieces nothing left to see.
How do you bleed when vein dry?
A empty world filled with icy lies,
I can’t fight when others rather I die.
Every turn I’m wicked, narcissist,
Or I’m hated, othered, unwanted.
I file away the pain, slots of mind,
Empty, cold, no empathy to find.
Makes me worthless, no place for me.
Wake me from this misery,
This corpse tires as king of agony.
When will this damn curse lift,
Where is the supposes gift.
That life is suppose to be
Denied, rejected, forced to mask.
Hide dysphoria, depression, desire to die.
Hide my rage, my existence, wake alone.
I am done fighting on my own.
Please, crying out, desperate not to die.
Save me, I’m drowning in this sea!
Help so I can be who I see inside!

Panicked Lights

I worry, my heart races
I cannot breathe, choking
The world snaps around me
I’m alone, scared, pacing
The skin burns, eyes water
The world slams into me
The lights blaze down
My eyes can’t take the light
The day lasts too long
The night too short
The sounds too loud
My head just hurts
Let me free this rocking
Back and forth clawing
The rising inside me
Will this be how I live
Until the day I die?

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Koraki Dreams: The Girl in the Fire Place

By Damien Knight

I will preface this by stating that this was a dream I had. It is obviously a warped version of the Doctor Who episode “The Girl in the Fire Place.” During the dream it took me a bit to realise this.

Koraki stood at the top of the stairs of a Victorian ballroom. The ballroom walls were lined with mirrors where he felt certain Victorian art ought to be. He, himself, was dressed in a fine suit with a tie.

Panic

By Damien Knight

My dearest how I ache
Each waking moment
I fear my mistakes
That I can’t own this
Feeling inside me
Panic, yes you told me
To calm my anxiety
But it has raged like the sea

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Understanding Anxiety

By Damien Knight

I have anxiety. When I was growing up, I would walk to school while all my siblings rode the bus. Why I was too scared of the loud noises and kids. When I transferred to high school and couldn’t walk anymore my anxiety qualified me for the special bus. I have and have had panic attacks. I’ve gotten better but I still get anxious making phone calls or asking people. When you tell me “Just do it.” I can’t. I think things like “Why can’t I do this I am so stupid.” “Why did I do that?” and “Why didn’t I do that?” Most of all I hear in my head “What if they yell at me. I’m not important enough to help. They’ll just ignore me. I’m so stupid” and I freeze. Anxiety is a battle with yourself.